Middling Through Midlife

A Pirate Looks at 46

Today I've lived for 46 years. Grateful for the new and old faces that made me smile this year. Thankful for all the good wishes and hellos.

This year was a particularly strange trip around the sun. It seems the world hands me a life earthquake every five years. Not all good. Not all bad. Always a surprise.

There were multiple shifts as a kid…And then…

At 25, I moved to Europe for a new life and a relationship.

At 30, I left that life and ran to Kenya—I found out I could fall in love with a place, a culture, and a career. First Kenya and then New York City.

At 35, I rebuilt my career towards security reform, driven by the belief that the world does not have to be this way.

At 40, I was widowed after only getting to bask in deep love for a couple of years. My career gave me refuge until I could face the feral parts of grief.

At 45, America’s political environment forever altered my career and rocked my sense of purpose. I watched brokenhearted for myself, my dedicated colleagues, and for the long-term damage it will do to my country (while costing more by the way).

So at 46, I am adapting. I stepped off the treadmill of perpetual motion, money, ego-soothing titles, and being acclimated to working too many hours in an industry that ranged from problematic to abusive. Once you step off that machine, it forces the question, what does living the back half of my life with intention beyond standard ambition look like?

For now, this is the plan…

• I’m tired of being a nomad. I’ve moved to Mexico—specifically, San Miguel de Allende — for now. I want to sit kinda still and get better at simple things. I want to build a community. I want to date. I want a little garden. I want to get better at boxing. I want to have decent footwork while throwing a left hook. I want life to be affordable enough that I feel free to pursue nontraditional career endeavors. I want to get to a point where I am comfortable enough taking selfies without flaring my nostrils.

• I will still advise and coach. The big exploration this year will be into how meaning-making after trauma shapes our vulnerability to extremism, disinformation, or fringe belief systems. I aim to explore how policy, psychosocial support, and narrative can prevent harm before it becomes entrenched. My next few years will focus on building community and tools for a better way ahead…let's see what form that all takes.

• I’ll write obsessively because it feeds me and lights up every neuron. I will finish my novel, which is about grief during the COVID-19, running to Somalia, a fight camp in Thailand, and war studies in the Balkans. My little anti–Eat Pray Love.

That is my update from middling through midlife…

I’ll keep the same Phone/Signal/WhatsApp number. I always love a surprise call, text, voice note, or Substack message. I will continue to struggle with long-term planning. But if you let me know your plans, I can try to show up and will do so with gusto.

All in all, I am pretty proud of how I've weathered these 46 years. Thank you to all who made all these turns around the sun bright.

I think I am holding up pretty good for an old gal.

—With love, stories, optimism, and sarcasm,

Mel